And yet, I act like it does.
It’s not that I don’t try. I’m always trying. I’ve always been a ‘try-er’. When I’ve decided to do something, I definitely put in the maximum effort, and make sure it’s as good as it can be.
But somewhere along the way, a long time ago, probably for many and varied reasons, I started to try only in areas that I am already comfortable in. And if in these areas I meet with failure or make a mistake, I find it very difficult to cope with.
So in areas where there is a possibility of failing, I quietly decide not to begin.
As is often the case, other people knew this about me long before I came to the gradual, clunking realization for myself. Somebody once said to me ‘She who never made a mistake, never made anything.’ Derived, I later came to know, from Einstein’s famous quote. I appreciated the eloquence and meaning of the quote, but I didn’t in any way apply it to my life.
Fast forward quite a few years and the slow process of recognizing/admitting this about myself began when I met the man who is now my husband. He has gently challenged me as to why I am afraid to make mistakes, and tried to show me the things I miss out on in my reluctance to have a go.
So, now, I’m going to document my efforts to try, despite the fear of making mistakes. Maybe I will even hope that I do make mistakes, so that I can learn from them, and how to cope with them without descending into a hot mess.
And this blog is my first step. Because, it can’t hurt to try…